Letting people go.

What I feel is my biggest flaw, is letting people go. When/if they leave, it feels like I'm not a whole. Like they've taken a huge part of me with them and I'm slowly dying from it. I don't want to let them go. I strongly want them in my life. I've been thinking about this a lot since senior graduation is coming up. I've become best friends with a lot of seniors. They know my secrets and I know theirs. We've been through so much together. As you guy's know, I am a TOTAL band geek and I am proud of it :) We've competed in marching band and even went to state together (we finished in second! Not bad!) We've partied together, we've cried together, we've laughed together. I've connected with them on an emotional level. They've had my back many times, and I've tried my absolute hardest to have theirs. Knowing that graduation is coming up, I know that I'll probably never see most of these people again. In my perspective, that's extremely hard for me to wrap my mind around. It's hard to think that a person who has shared so much with me, is one day not going to be there. It physically hurts me to think that way. And the worst part, is that I'm not going to lose one person. I'm losing many. All in one day. But what I've came to realize, is that people are like seasons- They're going to come and go. But the thing about seasons, is that a season is always going to come back. There are going to be more people in your life. People that you're going to have great experiences with. And the other thing I've came to realize is that there is a huge difference between 'wanting' and 'needing' people in your life. Like I said earlier, I strongly want these people in my life. But on graduation day (which is really sad, because it's on my birthday this year :p) when they all walk away and leave me behind, is my heart gonna stop and I'm just going to drop dead? It'll feel that way, but I probably won't. And it's not like I'm going to be totally alone after they leave. I'll still have this years juniors and sophomores and the people in my grade to hang out with :) I'll never forget these people, and that's the most important thing.

I'd just like to say thanks to Blake Bliss for teaching me these lessons. I really wish I had some one like him in my life. Officially on my bucket list to meet this guy. I totally recommend that you guys look him up on YouTube. He is unbelievably inspiring (and REALLY cute). He also is extremely musically talented. Look up some of his songs. And if he's reading this (which I doubt he is, but just in case)- Blake; you're my hero. Don't ever stop doing what you're doing, and don't EVER change.

quote- I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.- Blake Bliss
song-Heart Attack- Demi Lovato
celeb- Blake Bliss. Not an official celebrity, but he's my hero.
ecard-

Yup, that's pretty much how I was raised xD

Stay strong.

So recently I found out that the senior I liked....asked a junior to prom. When I found out, I thought for sure it was dream. But the pain was enough to know that I was wide awake. I cried for a little while. Than I called up one of my friends and she dropped everything to be with me at that moment. It really made me realize how awesome my friends are and how much they care about me. I love my friends more than life it's self. My amazing, beautiful friends, became a strong foundation for me to stand on. One of them was always texting me to make sure I was okay, while others were trying to distract me with funny pins on pinterest. They were the people that picked up the pieces of my heart and brought them back together. The pain I felt is so impossible to describe other than frustration, pain, confusion, and disbelief. But last night I spent some time by myself watching stand up comedy, classic horror movies, and Tim Burton movies. And now I feel better. But not all is bad in my life! Last night a girl called me up and asked me if I was interested for babysitting for her every Thursday night from 4-8 for the next eight weeks. I've been running low on the money I made babysitting over the summer so now I can add some new money to the shrinking pile. But anywhore, the main purpose of this post was to show you guys that when something bad happens to you, you don't need to feel alone. You don't need to be by yourself. I'd bet that there is someone in your life that you can lean on. You might feel like you don't, but you just need to trust some people enough to open up to them. I bet you'll find that most people can rise to the occasion. I care. You can trust me. So stay strong and continue on!

quote- Can a heart still break, once it's stopped beating? - Corpse Bride
song- Sally's song- Amy Lee http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQj2iOEx-V8
celeb- Helena Bonham Carter (the voice of Emily from the corpse bride)
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Meditation videos

Lately I've been pretty stressed out with school and guys ( >:p) but my friend recommended this video and I tried it. I don't know if it helped out with things like motivation or being more productive, but it definitely helps with the stress and distracting myself from things that make me tense up like school work, projects, and the confliction between these two guys. So here's the video my friend emailed me a link to. I like to listen to music when I do this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDJ_wbjBL6c

Favorite texts during the month of February

February 1st- *text convo with Emily S*
Emily S- hey when I get to the high school with you open the door for me please?
Me- the back doors??
Emily S- Noooo...the front door...lol your so funny joey
Me- the back doors are open
Emily S- They are??
Me- yeah, cuz of the bowls for souls
Me-the ones on the left side of the caf are anyways
Me- RIGHT! I MEANT RIGHT!
Emily S-  -_- I meant the band door joey....it was locked
- I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna pee. Needless to say, Emily wasn't laughing. At all.-


February 2nd 2013- *text convo with Emily J (band)*-
Emily- Did you know that it's cold outside?
Me- Yes, em. I did. Did you know that tonight, it'll get dark out?! -_-
Emily- WHA--??!??!
Me- I love how you play along.
Emily- That's what she said >:) wow I'm just as bad as ***** ***** (A senior who goes to our school)
Me- Don't worry. Even as I was typing it, I was thinking the same thing.
*later that day*
Me- so how'd the ice facial work out for you?
Emily- haven't done it yet...haha!
Me- *face palm* woooow em. Anywhore (*instead of saying anyways I say anywhore*)  Just a heads up- it'll make your face numb. And if you hold the ice to your forehead too long you'll get a brain freeze. yay.
Emily- and in this weather...
Me- yeah. you might wanna do it in a warm room
Emily- Do it in a warm room? Well if you say so.... ;)
Me- you are just terrible today

February 3rd- *text convo with my friend Emily J (NOT the one from band)
Me- is it really cold outside or is it ok?
Emily- It's suuuuuper nice! You might wanna just wear shorts and a tank to skl today
Me- Don't you be sarcastic with me

February 4th- *text convo with my friend Isaac*
Isaac- hey
Me- Hey! What's up?
Isaac- nothing much. Algebra was fun today
Me- I've never laughed so hard in a math room. It was weird though, cuz Cruz told me I had a 'nice a$$' than we started calling each other fat lol :)
Isaac- But when Cruz called you fat he prolly meant p-h-a-t (for those of you who don't know, phat means Pretty, Hot, And Tempting)
Me- awwww :) <3

February 4th- *text convo with my friend C'aira*
C'aira- You looked hot today! no homo
Me- dayum. I had my hopes up ;) I mean wha---? ;)

February 4th- *text convo with my friend Lindsey*
Me- Me- Xavier, what's your favorite animal?
       Xavier- Orange.
Lindsey- That's totally my favorite animal 2.
Me- Omg! Same!

February 6th- Text convo with my friend Emily J*
Emily- I don't understand fire :(
Me- y not?
Emily- Cuz Mr. P was telling me that you can put out fire with water, but you can't do that for a grease fire. I don't know why.
Me- Yeah I don't really know either. All I know is your supposed to put baking soda on it. If you throw water on a grease fire, ur screwed.
Emily- Haha! Good-bye kitchen!
Me- No, Emily. It's called 'good-bye life.'

February 8th- text convo with my friend Isaac-
*since Isaac and I are so close, he can tell when I'm on my period, which I was today*
Isaac- How ya feelin? :(
Me-Honestly? Pretty sh!tty.
Isaac- That sux. Feel better.
Me- Im trying. It'd be a hell of a lot easier without all this f******* estrogen....
Isaac-???
Me- it's a hormone that girls make.
Isaac-.....where does it come from?
Me- Straight from hell -_-

February 8th convo with my friend Emily J-
Me- What's the capitol of Massachusetts again?
Emily- dude....aren't you from Massachusetts?
Me- Shut up. I'm tired.
Emily- Who's the blond now? :)
Me- WHO'S THE PYSCHOTIC BITCH ON HER PERIOD THAT IS READY TO KILL ANYONE THE SECOND THEY PISS HER OFF?
Emily-....can I get you some Midol?
Me- damn straight, you can.

February 8th- *text convo with Emily J*-
Emily- hey! I got lots that I need to tell you!!!
Emiy- GUUURL! I need to scream and shout and let it all out!
Me- k, what's up?
Me- Oh, and if you EVER quote that song again, I'll drop kick you into your thirties -_-

*aren't I just a ball of sunshine when I'm on my period? Lol I swear I'm not like this regularly. That'd be pretty bad*

February 14th 2013-
*text convo with my friend Alyssa*
Alyssa- Happy single persons' awareness day :(
Me- Speak for your self :)
Alyssa-wtf?! you gotta valentine?
Me- yup c:
Alyssa- Who's your valentine???
Me- Mi hermano :)
Alyssa- Now I know your lying cuz I KNOW we don't have anybody in this school named 'mi hermano'
Me- *facepalm* Just outta curiosity, what grade are you getting in Spanish?
Alyssa- a D-
Me- seems legit

February 14th 2013-
Lindsey- hey whats up?
Me- dude my mom was really tired so she replaced the water in her coffee maker with monster and I didn't know and I had two cups
Lindsey- o no
Me- DUDE I CAN F****** HEAR COLORS RIGHT NOW

February 19th- texting my friend Mady-
*text convo with my friend Mady R*
mady- hey whats up?
Me- just hanging out, watching Bridal Plasty on netflix. hbu?
mady- algebra hw >:p
mady- can you help me with it?
Mady- ya there?!
Me- sorry i was texting my brother. He wants me to unlock the door and let him in.
Mady- You locked Jon outside?!
Me- that's where you put animals, isn't it?

February 21st- text convo with my Aunt Brooke-
Brooke- Hello my beautiful niece! When are you gonna come out here and visit me?! :(  (my aunt lives out in Massachusetts)
Me- A-SAP!
Brooke- so what are you doing?
Me- babysitting :p
Brooke- Your mom trusts you with the kids?! JK JK :)
Me- *gasp* I am a GREAT babysitter 
Brooke- How do you know?
Me- They're alive aren't they?


February 21st-
Emily-  did you know that some high school families pay over 5000 for their kids to compete in some sports?!
Me- Dayum. I wish my family loved me that much







quote- I don't want to be understood because if people understand me, they get tired of me- Lil Wayne
song-Where them girls at? - Flo Rida, Nicki Minaj, David Guetta
celeb- Shakira
word- phat
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It's sad how accurate that is^^